The art of being bald
Don’t really remember my grandfather much. He passed away when I was a kid. We have like 2-3 photos of him and apart from intense eyes, thing that stands out is his bald head. Cut to the next generation and my father tells me that he started “balding” in his early thirties. Me, being the son and grandson of these gentlemen, let’s just say that I am not follically blessed.
As I approached mid-twenties, it became quite evident that my dear hair will be “sayonara”-ing me sooner than I expected. I mean the hair which matter. I mean the one which add to your aesthetic. You know the one. All the other hair I have in abundance. Just like most of my fellow Indian brothers, I am genetically blessed.
Anyway so soon enough I started feeling a bit bare than usual at my crown. Wind or cold or sun or water could just penetrate the thinning hair at the top of my head with quite ease. As I approached my thirties, what started out just as mild case of thinning hair soon became a patch of shiny scalp skin which would make sure that it would shine brightest whenever I was in a photo. When I used to smile, whatever hair I had would pull back in a weird way laying bare my forehead which seemed to just go on and on and on…
Then the pandemic hit. Let me tell you something, balding men need barbers more than men with hair. I am serious. After a while the hair above the ears were a thick one inch bush of curly hair and the top being infertile was as barren as it gets. That’s when I decided to let it go. Took approval from the home ministry and one fine Sunday morning, I did what had to be done. Took the zero machine and shaved it off.
Been more than a year since that day and I am definitely never looking back. Infact, I sincerely believe it should have done much much earlier. Argh… the curse of being in mid thirties is almost everyday you realize something that you should have done 10 years ago. Anywhoo.. on we go.
So here I am now, a year later. Happily Bald. Quite many people have commented to me that I look different. There was no dearth of confidence earlier but when you are looking good and smart, well, simply put it’s a superpower. It’s not about looks. It’s just that when you take care of yourself it shows.
I know as a fact that balding is a super confidence killer especially when it comes at an early age. It has many many negative implications on the individual in question, which could be subject of another blog. The anxiety, social awkwardness, trying to find new ways to hide the inevitable.. list is huge.
That’s why here I am typing this blog on a Sunday night, before Monday kicks in and I get busy with my work, just to layout some step by step pointers for my brothers out there who are in the same boat as me.. here’s presenting you The Art Of Balding!
1) Identify:
So, the question is: how do you know you are balding? Well, the answer should be always on the top of your head!! (hahaha.. you see what I did there. Taking a five minutes break to laugh it off..) Ok. Read it again: HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE BALDING? Well.. IT’S ALWAYS ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD. You dumb flycatcher.. If you are too blindsided (shout out to all the actually blind bald men, you don’t see it but you rock it.) just ask your wife, or your friends. Seriously. Ask for an honest feedback. If you don’t have anyone who can give you an objective answer, send me a message. I will tell you. Check on the identification!
2) Accept:
Get your hairless head around the fact that you are going bald. It’s going to happen, no matter what. Very thin, I mean hair thin chance, that you invest money and blood (seriously) on one of those hair transplants which are high maintenance. Two of my friends who invested considerable amounts are regretting their decision because, Hair don’t lie. Especially the transplanted hair, they don’t lie and the truth is revealed within few months. So my friend, take some time, reflect and accept the fact.
3) Prepare
This is important. More than anyone else, you need to prepare mentally. Look at Willis, Diesel, Desai, Dwayne, Statham.. haha. Yeah. I am the guy in the middle. Ma Website, Ma Rules! Anyway, point being you need to set a high goal. These guys are killing it. I could add more non-actors to this list as well. Point being, just get into the state mentally that it’s fine to be bald. All bald men share a bond stronger than Rapunzel’s hair. Keeping such folks in mind helps with what’s coming.
4) Do the Deed!
I stood in front of the mirror and put a zero number trimmer to my head. Took me 10 minutes to get rid of weightless thinning hair but as it went I felt a sense of liberation. Then wife comes in and tell me that there is still some patches of ‘weight’ at the back of the head, which she helped me remove. Love you babe. So, point being. Do it and do it right. Ask instantly whether some of these clingy bastards have managed to still be around and get rid. You should have a nice clean head. Congratulations!
5) Aesthetics
Now comes the hard part. You need to change a bit. Maybe you need to change quite a lot. When I shaved it off, I was around 28% Body Fat. Brought it down to 14% in the last year. Still a long way to go. It’s a journey and I am enjoying it.
Bald + Fat = Bad, Bald + Thin = Bad, Bald + F_Fit = GOLD. Seriously. You need to get fit. While being bald is great, getting a fit, lean, muscular body is the greatest. How to do it? Get in touch, I will let you know. Quick summary: Crap IN = Crap Out. Don’t eat crap so that you won’t feel like crap. Move around whenever possible. If you see a place where you can hang, do as many pull ups as you can. Do 50 pushups everyday. Lift some weights 3-4 times a week. Thank me in a year. So, get on with the grind. You need to fill out those Tshirts, when you wear them.
6) Miscellaneous also known as random but important gyaan
Don’t be under the misconception that once you shave it off, it’s gone. Ha! You fool. You need to do the deed every 2-3 days minimum. As a bald brother, I forbid you from ever looking messy again. No. Nada. Never ever. Just take those 10 mins and get it cleaned. If you have a beard, even great. Try some styles which ever suits. Never looking untidy would go a long way. Don’t know why many men don’t care about their clothes any more. It’s not hard. Blue/black jeans, plain t-shirts, good shoes. If formal then please think seriously about going to a good tailor. I guarantee you wouldn’t want to buy readymade anymore. Reach out if you want some recommendations with styling.
I had to write this because I saw some young, smart guys really feeling bad about themselves just because they had thin hair, receding hairline, some bald patch etc. If this is getting in the way of having a confident, happy life then you need to get rid of it the right way. If even one person feels good about himself after reading this, would consider it a huge success!
Need to get up early so I am closing this blog here, might add more stuff later. Closing remarks: Think of it as if your bald head demands you to be a better version of yourself. That’s the only way to rock it. You can do it. I did it and I have never been happier about how I look and feel.
Reach out if want some guidance. I am usually busy but will try my best to help.
Ciao
Shantanu
Ek no bhau. Hence proved being bald is cool…
Je baat! Mi mhanto karun taak tu pan 😉 😉 😀
Hi Shantanu, I am your dad’s classmate and close friend from school years. It’s well written blog. I am sure you can replace word “bald” with “glasses or spectacles”. People also go thru the same phase before accepting that they will be wearing them for rest of the life.
Your blog is a good read for all such people in the phase before acceptance. All the best.
You can add a Sanskrit line “खल्वाटो निर्धनं क्वचित”. Meaning bald people are rarely poor.
All the best for the future.
Hi Sanjaykaka, Baba always fondly talks about you 🙂 Agree with similarity towards being a “spectacular” person. Couldn’t agree more to the “खल्वाटो निर्धनं क्वचित”.! Thanks for the encouraging words and hopefully see you soon.
Ok number Shantya.
I will be joining your league in few years I believe. And as you said, I’d like to go
for Gold. So got some time in hand.
Will be in touch sooj for some tips.
Haha.. I will happily welcome you to the elite club! 😉