The art of misunderstanding

Yeah we have landed on Moon.
And we are planning to colonise Mars.
And we can watch live animal porn.
And can order kangaroos milk online.

Does it make us mature?
Advanced yes.
Mature, definitely not!

Somewhere along the way we lost our ability to be more empathetic towards others. Others include everything which is not you. Animals, plants, birds, mother earth.. And most importantly other human beings. We are so hell bent on not understanding anyone else’s perspective that we often end up in the classic soup of misunderstanding. Even though it doesn’t end up in murders like in Shakespeare’s’ Othello but they do kill everyday pleasures. And we need those everyday pleasures to be called alive.

Just read through comments section of ANY news or video on the brave and just platform of social media. within seconds you start reading this section you would understand what a hateful and divisive place we live in. But this write up is not about what is wrong with the world, but a try at understanding the art of misunderstanding.

Now on a personal level, misunderstanding can be called as the biggest killer of joy for all humans. Man is primarily a social animal. We need other humans to feel alive. The closest of people in our usually small circle are our family members and our friends. Then we have colleagues at work who can become friends if the wavelength matches. Then we have people who we meet everyday like the same people when you visit the gym or take the bus to work, the vegetable vendors.. all these people make the circle of close humans who come in direct contact with you on a daily basis. Think of it and this is not a BIG number. It’s quite small amount of people you have to deal with. And yet, we somehow do fall prey to the misunderstandings which create a havoc on your peace of mind.

Smallest of misunderstandings between this small group of people you deal can affect you greatly. For e.g. you might read a news that 115 people died in a Railway mishap in Northern India while sipping your morning tea. It’s a BIG tragedy right? BUT the thing that occupies the most part of your worried mind is “why didn’t she respond to my message on whatsapp. EVEN after reading it! Are you kidding me, i can see the two small blue tick marks. That means she read it. She read it in it’s entirety, she understood the message and yet she din’t respond…how can she be behave like this..” This worry is what affects us more than something that lead to more than a hundred people dying. Sadly, if you think about it, this is the truth.

So here’s a list of misunderstandings that ruin your life:

the compliments :
your partner wears a new dress or sports a new hairstyle or a new beard style and expects that you notice and respond. Of course, it happens most of the time that you do get an expected response but those few times when somehow you miss complimenting or commenting, is when the great devil of misunderstanding comes into play and ruins it for you. For no reason. You might be accused of being aloof, not interested, not loving enough, not caring enough and many more things. JUST because you missed saying some words. Yeah. Take that you mature human!

are we friends or he/she is just using me:
this too is a classic. some of your friends are bound to turn out to be free loaders. Meaning, you pay. Well, most of the times. And it accumulates. and we are fast enough to conclude that he or she is with me just for having a good time. In this scenario you might get above your inhibitions and ask why this happens and you would be surprised that this guy or girl never had thought about it. and would be happy to contribute as and when required and just laughs it off. Off course things can go the other way and you might lose your friendship. To top it off, when you are home alone thinking about the cancelled plan due to your misunderstanding, you might even think that it was a good riddance! And then inwardly feel more guilty.. oh man. Humans.

someone close said something about you on your back:
this is bad bad bad phenomena to get to know that someone really close to you badmouthed you in front of someone. Oh man, this happens so commonly and god forbid if you are the touchy types who can’t handle slightest criticism from your loved ones. Thing is, being nice to someone else be it your son or your mother or your wife or your cousin is actually an activity. A continuous one. You are MOST OF THE TIMES nice to your closed ones because you love them. But there might be a few misses sometimes when you talk with others about certain non-appealing trait of your close ones and then they get to know. It’s so so easy to misunderstand and ruin a long long necessary relationship with such faux pas that it hurts my intestines. Ouch!

Actually i can go on but i am sure you get the idea.
This is happening to all of us and don’t be naive to say that it doesn’t affect you.

Such misunderstandings can take a running shit on your awesome days and you would feel WTF just happened. You gotta live with these people. You cannot ignore them nor can you actually erase them fro your life. You get affected by them and they by you. There’s no way around.

Is there a way to avoid this?
Probably not. Being misunderstood by others as well as misunderstanding others is human trait so deeply ingrained in us that it’s almost impossible to miss.
Best way would be, be prepared for this.
Whenever you let someone in your inner circle, just make a note that there would be misunderstandings happening in future.
Opening up emotionally is not an easy thing. We are taught to laugh when someone tells a joke. You might not want to laugh, you still do it because you have been programmed that way. Otherwise you would be a outcast in the human way of working. Due to this superficial way of working, whenever a misunderstanding happens we need to enter the ‘human’ part of living., away from superficial. Doing that crossover is never that easy.

Some tips though:
Treat it as soon as you get to know about it! DO NOT dare keep misunderstanding mulling over because it’s known to grow tenfold when kept untreated. If you care to having a healthy relationship with someone just clear it out! Even if that means very very awkward moments but my personal experience is every solved misunderstanding actually brings the two persons more closer emotionally.

Do not jump to conclusions so fast. Circumstances are different and so are reactions. We haven’t even able to scratch the surface of how human brain works so just don’t be a expert in branding the person you have misunderstood or vice versa as someone who can’t be allowed into your inner circle anymore.

My last is my favourite – Be empathetic. It’s so easy to say ‘if i were in your shoes..’ and it’s so difficult to actually think that way. Everyone is living  a life and it comes with nuances you are unaware of. Emotional, physical battles are always going on in a human mind so be a bit empathetic about other humans. Especially towards your closed ones. You know most of the time what they are going through so just be a bit cool about it.

Hope you have understood or may be misunderstood what I wanted to rant here.
Oh man, how I love the way human brain works. 🙂