The weird feelings

You know that weird feeling when you know you are doing something right but it’s too hard to make people understand that it’s right? and you continue to do that socially unacceptable thing while internally battling with conscience that if anyone finds out it will turn your world upside down?

To be frank, we ALL have such things. That we do. Knowing perfectly that it’s considered wrong by the society.

Ah.. it might be the case that you don’t give shit about society.
It takes time to reach such a place that you don’t give shit about society. I am not talking about achieving any financial or political status but that state of mind.

BUT, let alone the society, even your loved ones and close people might not understand something that you tend to do. Not unknowingly. Perfectly knowingly…

What do you do in that case?

There are three processes that go simultaneously.
1 . Is your guilt that you are doing something which might hurt your close ones
2. Since you know in your mind that this something is not wrong, your conscience is always reasoning that you just speak out and make your close ones understand.
3. BUT if you came out and did tell them, what if they don’t understand? The ugly feeling of fear creeps in. This fear is not the one which you feel while walking along in a dark alley at night. That fear is just fear. But this fear of loosing the people you love has the power to really make you shiver to the bones.

Between this guilt feeling, the urge to reason it out and the fear, you loose your mind. Funny part is you don’t loose it all. you loose it just a bit. But deep down you are aware that you have lost just a bit of your mind. You kind of like it. After all we are humans and we are supposed to have such complex weird irrational feelings, right?

Ah.. we humans!