Time to be an Invisible Mentor – Realization strikes!

I am a stereotype.
I am not ashamed of it. In fact I am proud of the fact that I have at least realized it!
What do I mean by I am a stereotype and of what?
I am stereotype of a generation..
A generation in their mid to late twenties and early thirties.
Nicely educated.
Drawing comfortable salaries.
With more presence on social networking sites that their own homes. or to be precise the living room or kitchen where other family members are… Since we are confined to our rooms/corners with laptops/mobiles browsing and chatting our ways to glory.
We express our feelings through Facebook rather than through our faces! You might like a post about ‘How smoking is bad for health’ while blowing the smoke on the laptop screen!!

I hope above points must have given you an idea of what generation I am talking about.
The biggest and most frequent accusation on MY generation is “We are loosing our morals, or values, or culture..”

This got me thinking. What might be the reason. Why do learned, talented, respected, and revered people think like that about my generation?
Is it our education?
Or our exposure to various places/cultures/people?
Is it the money that we have at our disposal?
Is it the easy comforts like – credit cards, ATMs, Online Shirdi SaiBaba Darshan, Online banking, Online Birthday cakes.. that we use [abuse?]?

Many many more possibilities.

I was thinking about this at around 2 AM and my Mom walked into my cave i.e my room. She had woke up from a nice sleep for drinking some water
and noticed the glow of my laptop screen coming out of my room and thought of checking on me.

Mum “I told you not to stay awake for so long. You get dark circles under your eyes and dull skin if you don’t sleep”
Me “Mom.. I am working! [LIE! LIE! LIE!!]”
Mum “You work in office for 10 hours. Why do you have to work at home as well… Switch off the computer.”
Me “Mom. Please. I am working. You sleep”
Mum “Shantanu [when she calls me by my name, that’s the clear sign that no more bullshit would be tolerated. It’s business time].. Switch off the laptop and go to sleep. I had kept cotton balls dipped in milk in the freezer so that you could keep it on your eyes before you sleep.. I am bringing those. Switch that computer off!”
Me “Mom. You sleeep!”

Mum goes and comes back with the cotton balls, dipped in cold milk.
She takes the laptop, keeps it aside. I am looking at her, with a bit of anger.

Mum “Lie down. Close your eyes.”
Me “OK. [Sarcastic]”

Mum keeps those cotton balls, dipped in cold milk on my closed eye lids and goes back to her room. Back to the comfortable sleep which is
copyrighted for honest people!

Slowly and steadily the coolness and the moisture of the cold milk and wet cotton ball spreads across my eyes, down to the cornea, into my temple, into my brain.. and I feel so relaxed, as if I have smoked an entire joint of the finest marijuana available in morocco!

and suddenly out of the blue I realize that past 4 minutes of conversation with my sleepy mum at 2 am in the morning has given me my answer!

The answer to above questions is simple – ‘How you treat your parents. To be precise Mum and Dad!’

Confused? Let me explain.

The time you spend with your parents decides what kind of person you are.
I am not talking about the time which we spend when we were kids and parents were our mentors, our super heroes, our everything.
I am talking about now! Now when you are in your mid-twenties, earning, independent.
How often do you talk with your parents?
How often do you talk with them without your fingers on the keyboard and eyes on the mobile/laptop screen?
How often do you go for movies with them?
How often do you go out for a trip/outing with you parents?
When did you last ask your mum/dad about what’s their plan for the weekend?

I am sure max OUR generation people would give a negative answer to all the above questions.
Do you realize what you are missing?

We are in mid twenties, late twenties, early thirties..
On an average our parents are in their mid/late fifties.
Just like our age when we are entering into the early stages of physical as well as matured adult age
they are entering into the early stages of physical as well as emotional old age.
This is the time when your role should very seamlessly start to reverse.
I know your dad is earning more that you and your mum is as active as she was 20 years ago.
But this is where the “realization” should creep in that WE need to be slowly entering the role of mentoring them and greatest challenge is they should never realize it that they are being mentored. That might hurt them. Because we are still their kids. And we always will be!

This might sound like a rant but the way we treat, deal, communicate, converse, spend time with our parents decide what kind of person we are!
Why?
Everyone who is accusing US, OUR generation of being shallow, uncultured, immoral, has to feel it somewhere..
And who are the best examples that they decide their feeling from?
OUR generation people, who stay in their own home. Their children!
So if each one of us decides to be more mature and understanding while dealing with their parents won’t it result is a great mental shift of everyone, that, “NO! this generation knows how to behave, have moral values, are a bit impatient but good at heart and most important are caring?”

This would result in more happy people around us, more positive energy, more communication between people, more productivity at work, more result oriented honest hard-working talented individuals, happy homes… a happy planet!

If you are thinking otherwise.. on the terms of – why should be waste time on our still fit parents? OR a better way, what is the need of taking out time to be with our parents, talk with them, spend some quality time discussing issues/cricket/corruption with them? We have our friends/ girl friends/ boy friends/ colleagues etc etc with whom we connect better and generally would prefer.

If you are thinking like that answer the following questions:

1) Have you noticed that faint disappointment/care on you father’s face when you suddenly tell him that you are going out for the night?

2) Have you noticed that quite profound care and worry on your mother’s face when you suddenly tell you are going out for the night?

3) Have you seen that genuine proud shine in the eyes of your father when your friend congratulates you on your long due promotion/hike?

4) Haven’t you always said in a hurry while rushing for office “Mum. please do not pack those laddus! I never eat them. They will be wasted” and at 4 PM when you are feeling hungry, had those same very laddus, which you assumed will be wasted, looking at the latest presentation that you have to make, without even remembering your prediction of “wasted-laddus” leave alone the love with which your mum packed them in the corner of your tiffin box?

5) 4th point is for the lucky ones who work in their home cities but for people who visit their home towns sometimes a year. Haven’t you always warned you mum not to pack that extra pickle/chutney since you are getting late for the flight/train. But just a week down the lane, when you feel hungry late at night, had the bread/roti with that exact extra chutney/pickle which she packed?

6) Have you seen your father looking out of the window, standing a bit away from the grille, looking at you on your bike/ car while you drive away for your work?

7) Have you noticed the disappointment in your mother’s voice when you tell her at eleventh hour that you won’t be coming home for dinner? Or even worse, when she calls you to ask when are you coming home for dinner?

8) Have you ever noticed how your room gets all tidy, your clothes get into the cupboard, your books in to the shelves, magically when you walk into your room after a tiring day at office?

9) Did you ever notice the pain in the eyes of your father and a very slightly audible sigh when he sits down on the couch to untie the shoelaces after a tiring day at his office?

10) Do you know that when your mum is calling you to ask how are you have you reached safely to some city where you work, you dad is standing just next to her, tilting his head, trying to listen to your voice when you say ‘Yeah, Mum. I am fine. Reached here safe. Will call you later’ and walks away swiftly before she notices that he was trying to listen?

11) Have you ever felt sheet cover being pulled up on you at night when you slept off reading some report/book/blog? and then after a few seconds that soft and warm hand which caresses the temple of your head and flows through your hair?

12) Do you know that the news of your promotion reaches to the office boy working in your father’s office? Have you wondered how it reaches?

13) Do you know, that when you come back home from an office tour or some days in some other city, the earlier night your parents have had a discussion on the dinner table on what should be cooked for the next day’s dinner?

14) Do you know that when you are not at home, in some other city, country, whatever, your father glances at your car or bike when he passes through the parking? and your mother even goes ahead and touches it?

15) Do you know that your mother had to struggle to learn how to operate the mobile but a major driver for her taking those efforts was trying to streamline with the modes of communication that you use now a days? She is happiest person when she receives a fwd message from you and keeps them in the mobile memory forever? and often glances through them?

Friends, the list goes on and on.

Start noticing these things.
Realize, React and Reciprocate.
How you are at home, what is your relation with you parents affects each and everything that you do out of your home.

Many of you must have seen the sculpture of “Child gives birth to a mother” at Bandra in Mumbai.
A mother is just a woman. But when a child arrives from her womb, it is the child who transforms that woman into the greatest creation of this world.. A MOTHER is born.
Same is the case with a father, but it is not much noticed. Ignored may be. But it is.

Similarly when the child grows up, becomes an adult he/she should realize and reverse the roles.
Become a friend, a mature colleague, an understanding child to your parents right now, and at the same time be an invisible mentor!